i just finished my first draft of one of my college essays. probably just for common app, which is what most of my colleges are. please read, and critique, since i don't trust my student teacher haha.
I put the keys in the ignition, push them in and turn them to right, and then take a deep breath.I fumble around for the lever to adjust the seat of this two-ton death trap that I will soon be in control of.I am constantly aware of my father’s eyes staring down on me, wishing that he was in the driver’s seat.No father really wants to teach their daughter how to drive.I know that in the future, I will strategically plan to live in a big city so I do not have to teach my children how to drive.They can learn to take public transportation.It is in fact much greener.
I am almost completely frozen.I carefully move my right hand over to shift the car into drive.I press my foot down on the brake and feel the shifter snap into place.I see the green D light up next to the speedometer.My dad blurts out an almost an uncontrollable “Slow” as I inch on forward down the driveway.I can sense my knuckles turn white as I grip the wheel.The radio is playing Lady Gaga’s Paparazzi.My father immediately shuts it off.Doesn’t he know that music helps me focus?I shrug it off and focus my eyes on the road.I feel the random key chains jingle against my leg as the car goes over the divots in our long, dirt driveway.It scares me, so I ease my foot onto the breaks.Finally, the car has found its way to the end of this quarter mile of dirt and rocks.“Take a right,” my father instructs me, in his almost perfect Boston accent.I begin to turn the wheel right, but he stops me. “Where is your right turn signal?”.Oh. I guess pulling out of your own proper driveway means that you have to alert the deer and squirrels that you intend to take a right. “Sorry,” I mutter, flipping on the switch.I ease the car forward, carefully turning the wheel.The signal then turns off.It feels good to be in control of something.It’s almost like riding a horse, I think to myself.Maybe this whole driving thing won’t be that bad.I see a stop sign up ahead.I jam on the brakes, because I don’t want to anger my passenger. “Easy, don’t jam on the breaks like that.Now take another left.Look both ways,” my father coaches, as my body moves forward from the force.I take back what I have thought before, about driving being easy.I hate the constant dance of gas and brake, gas and brake.Why can’t cars just be button-operated?I itch my nose (a nervous habit) as I move down Concord Street.The car feels heavy under my foot.I am now silently freaking out.It is my first time on a main road and I see a small Camry approach me from behind.They’re coming awfully close to my bumper, I think.Oh, they’re tailgating me, I realize.So I press my foot down on the gas, and the car lurches forward.The Camry still follows me.Then, of course, like any nice, polite Massachusetts driver, they start to honk.My death grip on the wheel becomes even stronger.“Take a left here, so you don’t make them angry,” my father says.He is my constant guide on this journey.I diligently turn left, going a mere 15 miles an hour.In my rearview mirror I see the Camry speed off into the sunlight. “Jerks,” I mutter under my breath.After about another half hour of learning the rules of the road, we arrive back at the dirt driveway that is my home.I’d like to say that my father has held his composure.There were no screams of horror, no “PULL OVER THIS CAR RIGHT NOW”, or bloodshed.I had previous dreams in my head of how horrible this experience would be, how it would result in me crashing the car, or my father yelling so much that he would burst a blood vessel.But I had now realized that I tend to overanalyze everything.Perhaps this is just my creative mind working.I have been known as the child who would make up imaginary friends and create their life stories in a matter of days.Thinking that my first real driving lesson with my father would end in world war three was simply an exaggeration of my mind.In fact, driving was not all that it was cracked up to be.It was not a pure symbol of freedom to me.There was no More Than a Feeling by Boston playing inside my head as I gripped the wheel.Driving is simply a way of getting from Point A to Point B, something that I will continually be trying to do in my life.In a way, life is like a person’s driving history.You may get into a number of accidents, go through some parts a little fast, run out of gas in some areas, and get frustrated at other people.But in the end, you still want to escape and go some place new.
Val, I loooove the last two lines--the whole metaphor for life. You might just wanna work on the format, like when dialogue comes into play and whatnot. I haven't written one yet so I'm not sure if it's supposed to be grammatically correct either, but you might wanna check on ending sentences with prepositions 'cause that's "incorrect grammar." hahah we just learned about all of that
But good idea! I was wondering how it was all going to come together and it did! Good luck with everything :)
wow you get to write things like that to get into college?! It was really good but I cant really say anything else yo help as we had to write personal statements literally selling ourselves to the uni - unable to be at all creative.
yeah, it's kind of like your personal statement. but you can take it from any angle you want really. you have to show the colleges qualities as to why they should accept you.
yeah, the main comment i'd have would just be to check on the grammar - there were a couple of spots where you ended sentences with a preposition or changed tenses midsentence. other than that, it's a unique topic, so that's definitely a plus.
loyola maryland (top choice), university of vermont, saint michael's, university of rhode island, roger williams, umass amherst, stonehill, etc. (other state schools in MA) i used to really want to go to emerson/northeastern but not anymoreee
there are so many unis/colleges (i still dont really get the difference) in the states!! Uni of rhode island was one I could have gone too on a semester abroad with my uni :) Good luck with the application!
i love uri. so much. but it is SO expensive. it's going up another five grand next year. especially in new england, where i live, there are colleges and universities EVERYWHERE.
oh, one of my friends wanted to go to stonehill! she liked it a lot.
&emerson sounds awesome, but it's mad expensive. i might've gone there, but my financial aid sucked. sooo it's probs good that you don't want to go there anymore.
