I closed my eyes and hoped it would go away. I hoped that it would all go back to normal. It played over and over, like a broken record that couldn't be stopped. I loved him. He loved somebody else. The way he kissed that girl, the way he looked at her. It was unlike anything he had ever given me. He practically treated me like a stranger.
I slowly blinked my eyes and my vision cleared. The solid, white walls of my hospital room were getting old to me. The only color in the room came from the red tulips my older brother, Dakota, gave to me. Seven tulips. Seven days left until I was free. He told me that each day, I should take a tulip out of the crystal vase. There was one tulip left. Today was the day.
Note: I wrote this on the old CTOW, but I'm going to re-post it here, with a little more detail. So enjoy. (: -LC
-- Edited by __infinite on Sunday 21st of February 2010 08:34:26 PM
__________________
i am in love. with what we are, not what we s h o u l d b e.
chapter one. "Say goodbye, sis." Dakota saluted the building that had been my home for the past month. How could anyone, a teenager at that, handle it? Sure, I had psychiatric counseling for my "incident," but the only counseling I needed was on how to escape from that hospital. Don't get me wrong; the nurses were sweet. The atmosphere? Not so much. The food? Do not get me started.
My brother put the car into reverse and he backed out of the parking lot, going into drive and speeding onto the main road. I was gone. Free. Finally.
It was inhumane to keep a teenager in the hospital for more than a few days. At least I thought so. My parents didn't. They didn't even have the decency to pick me up. Of course they wouldn't, dear ol' Jeff and Kathy. Why would they want to pick their suicidal daughter up from the hospital? They were probably caught up in some business deal; no biggie.
I turned the click wheel on my iPod Nano to turn up the volume of the song I was listening to. Song in My Head by Sherwood.
Don't blink, don't close your eyes But most of all, don't apologize It's me who's get the demons to wrestle now.
They were demons, all right. I closed my eyes and let the words sink in. My music was the only way I could survive in that place. When my family visited me for the first time (and the last for my parents), Dakota slipped the iPod and its charger under my pillow.
"Don't tell the parentals," he whispered with a wink.
As if they cared. I opened my eyes and smiled to myself in the car, then having a huge realization. I wasn't in the hospital anymore. I didn't want to go home. Too many memories, and bad ones at that.
I couldn't believe that after all those years of struggling to make a name for myself, it was gone. He was gone. I knew it was too good to be true. I couldn't be Popular Aimee forever. Something had to make a crack in the bright, shiny mirror I called Life.
School used to be perfect, once I found my place. Now I could never even show my face there again. Ella already texted me about the rumors that were going around. How I was too embarrassed to come back, how I tried to jump off Brooklyn bridge. I had her stop there.
I thought back to that day. The day that Brent White, notorious bad boy, asked me out. He was adorable, and I knew about his "record" with other girls. But I took a chance with him.
He had stolen my heart. It shouldn't have surprised me when he decided to drop and break it.
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Note: Let me know your opinions on this! I didn't proofread, so forgive me for grammar. (: -LC
__________________
i am in love. with what we are, not what we s h o u l d b e.
I vaguely remember this too. Question: is this the one where she goes to a new private school type thing? It's really good, I like the way everything is phrased.
chapter two. I couldn't be happier. I had the hottest guy in school, the hottest. Suddenly, everyone knew my name and wanted to be my friend. I knew it was because of him, but I embraced it.
"Aimee, you and Brent are so cute together!" "You look so pretty today, girl!"
Had I not looked pretty before I was dating Brent? I thought I looked decent. Maybe I presented myself better because I knew I had to look good with him. I started wearing makeup (which I never even previously owned), and I curled my champagne-colored hair constantly. And people always complimented my emerald eyes.
"You know I really care about you, right, Aims?" he would always say to me. "Of course I do." The sad part? I actually believed it. If you really cared about me, Brent, then why did you do it?
Talk about Taylor Parken's Halloween party had been buzzing through the school since September, and Brent and I were so excited to go together.
He dressed up as a vampire (a much sexier version of Edward Cullen), and I was a cat, because it was the simplest costume I could think of. When we arrived at the party, the girls were dressed up as the sluttiest costume they could think of.
"Don't worry about them," he told me. "You look as cute as a button. I'll get us something to drink."
I didn't even think anything of it, until I had danced through five songs with no sign of Brent. I asked Ella, maybe she knew. "He went upstairs, I think."
I slowly climbed up the stairs, wondering where he had gone. Was he sick? Maybe he got food poisoning from the chips we ate earlier. No, that made no sense.
The bathroom was empty. I heard groaning come from one of the bedrooms and opened the door. Isaac Jacobs (he was in my physics class) was sprawled across the bed, holding his head in pain. "Get outta here!" he yelled. "You're letting the light in!" I shut the door quickly, moving onto the next bedroom.
I eavesdropped a bit, and heard Brent's voice. I slowly opened the door and prayed that he wasn't hurt. But oh, no. He was very far from hurt. It was probably impossible to feel a bad feeling when he was lying naked on top of Taylor Parken.
It was as if I never existed, as if we hadn't gone to the party together. When I heard her speak, I just wanted to punch her. "I feel bad," she said. "About Aimee..." "Don't," Brent said. "She's not here."
Correction, I was. I was standing right in the doorway, Brent White. Your girlfriend. And so my tragedy begins.
-- Edited by __infinite on Friday 1st of January 2010 05:25:10 PM
__________________
i am in love. with what we are, not what we s h o u l d b e.
chapter three. So, I ran away. Okay, well I technically didn't run away; I drove away. I was sure that Brent could find a way home, possibly with Taylor. It was embarrassing, rushing through the party with mascara streaks running down my face. It was okay, though, because it was the last time that I would see any of them.
The fact that it was illegal to drive and use the phone at the same time was minuscule in my mind. Who was I going to call? My parents? Dakota? Not Dakota, he was out on a date. I didn't want to bother him. So, as much as I hated it, I called my mother.
"Kathy Lewis," she answered in her professional voice. (She was always on business calls and answered the phone like that, even when she knew it was me on the other side.) I stopped at a red light and sighed.
"Mom, it's me," I choked, my tears building up once more. "What's the matter, Aimee? I need to get back on a long-distance call." She was too much. Did she not hear me sobbing?
"Long-distance call? With whom, your European affair?" Silence. "Yeah, Mom, I know about him. Dakota knows about him. And I'm sure Dad knows about him!" I screamed into the phone. A mini van behind me beeped its horn and I looked up; the light had turned green. "You don't know anything," my mother tried to say. "I know everything, Mom. That guy, Ethan, is so stupid. He leaves messages on our home phone."
I pulled over and put the phone on speaker, throwing it onto the dashboard. "I...I have to go," she said after a long pause. "Talk to your brother." I was too much of a wreck to call him, but I did anyway.
"Aims, I can't even understand you, what are you saying?"
I panicked as I fumbled for the Advil in my purse, sobbing uncontrollably. Was it even in there? It seemed like forever since I had a headache that bad. I fiddled with the child-proof cap for a second, then poured several capsules into my palm. I took the half-empty bottle of Poland Springs water in the passenger seat (probably Brent's), and I took the medicine, groaning to myself.
"Aimee, are you there?" I could hear my brother shouting through the speaker.
What was Brent's problem? How long had he been cheating on me? I thought Taylor and I were friends. I hadn't the slightest idea that she liked him. I started the engine once more and merged onto the road.
Could Advil make me drowsy? Because that's how I felt - drowsy, woozy...whatever. Maybe I should have taken a nap before driving again. And before I knew it, everything went black.
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i am in love. with what we are, not what we s h o u l d b e.
:( it's scary when you drive, cause like when i'm sad i get all these crazy thoughts in my head about crashing on purpose or not paying attention cause i'm crying